Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  February 19, 2013 11:00pm-11:30pm PST

11:00 pm
>> well, that was our first show and we nailed it. thanks to amy schumer and aziz
11:01 pm
ansari. see me live at the mirage and tweet me and on the blog see you next week but before we go let's look back at the best moments from tonight's show. >> women be shopping. women be shopping. women be shopping. oh, boy. ah, memories. good night kids. go read a book. [cheers and applause] actresses
11:02 pm
from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: hey, oh, my god! hey, everybody, welcome to "the daily show". any name is jon stewart. my name is jon stewart and i need a haircut. [ laughter ] this is the longest head i've ever had. [ laughter ] we've got a nice one. the actress alison brie will be joining us from the hit show
11:03 pm
"community." p my guess is she'll in no way tell us what is going on there but i'm excited. let's begin tonight with america. as if you didn't know the reference. i put that up there to let you know. remember that map from the placemat at howard johnsons. [ laughter ] as you know, our country has been on a difficult run. gas prices have risen steadily over the last few months. our president is unsure whether he has the authority to target americans on our mainlandslandsh missiles. and geraldo is thinking of running for senate. it's been a tough run. we decided to do a segment aimed at boasting our morale called we may be (bleep) but -- let me explain to you. let's begin with horsemeat. >> imagine buying frozen hamburgers and litter discovering that the patties you
11:04 pm
assumed were beef were ground horse meat. >> jon: eww. [laughter] you won't me to touch where you? [laughter] -- me to touch you where? that's where you go to the bathroom. [ laughter ] that is outrageous. when i buy frozen ground beef i expect machine shredded cow filled with 25% ligament and cartilage mixed back with the other stuff i don't know what it's there. grade a ground beef. that's what i expect. nothing is good enough for the queen of bbc. a lot of people eat horse. good honest people. >> horse meat is eat money in a lot of countries including france, italy, kazakhstan. >> jon: okay. i'm going to stop you right there. [ laughter ]
11:05 pm
i don't need to tell you people that one of those countries you mentioned is different from the others in terms of their worldwide cuisine. so my vice if you find yourself in an international house of horse meat and your choice is disheswise are equain bourguignon, ris soto ala horsemeat or cazzic fried bucket of horse. -- chaak fried -- bucket of horse -- i didn't know we'd see the whole face. the scandal came to light when the europe versions of burger king became embroiled -- [laughter] -- how did this happen?
11:06 pm
>> the horse meat in question was sourced at two places in romania. >> jon: wow. what kind of world do we live in where we can no longer trust the product purity, the regulatory oversight of transsill -- transylvanian meat slaughter houses. dracula would roll over in his day bed. >> sharp reaction from the romanian prime minister. >> i'm very angry to be very honest. >> jon: that does not seem sharp. you seemed more bemused than angry. it's a trying not to laugh phase. if you think we've been doing this for hundreds of years laughing while europe's wealthier unknowingly eat our inform plow horses -- by the way, me romanian, we play joke,
11:07 pm
we put pee pee in your coke. [laughter] don't worry. we thought we would have fun today. the prime minister of romania doesn't know about it. we need a villain. >> another figure with a murky history is this man. >> jon: worst j-date picture ever. that dude is say villain. check that guy out. adding horse meat to hamburgers looks like the least sladey thing this guy has done. he looks like he's about to ruffi himself. what could i do? did you see what i was wear something in i was asking for it. [laughter] look, i'm glad they -- i don't know what that accent was, by the way. [ laughter ] i'm glad they found this out and they can put a stop to what i'm assuming is a widespread
11:08 pm
problem. >> 1% of the products tested, 29 out of 2501 came back showing positive for horse dna. >> jon: that ain't nothing. that's less than 1% horse. that's the kind of milk i buy. 1 prs horse is the world's lamest centur. of course involuntary horse snacking one of the things americans didn't have tone during last week. >> in a remote part of russia a meteor traveled to earth and exploded. >> it carried a contrail and hit the atmosphere and exploded with the force of an atomic bomb. >> jon: on the bright side did it provide russia with a fleeting sense of warmth. [laughter] this was scary not like a solar eclipse.
11:09 pm
yeah. wasn't like a solar eclipse. no one knew it was coming. how did these russians get the footage? >> a majority was recorded purely by chance, captured by small dash mounted cameras that are the latest fad among russian car owners. >> jon: let's roll the camera again with the sound up. i'm going to learn the russian for holy (bleep) ball. [radio noise] [laughter] >> jon: the guy in the car didn't even say anything. that's more amazing than the footage itself. the guy in the car is completely unimpressed by a death rock hurling towards the city. is everyone in russian society just that jaded? >> motorists have turned to dash cams for self protection. visual proof to fend off charges
11:10 pm
from possibleibly corrupt police officers and from insurance scammers who often stage accidents like this one captured here. >> jon: oh, my god. oh, my god, that man needs help. get him to ensemble studio theater stat. he needs 300cc's of actor-all. [ laughter ] i think what we seem to be learning is that russians in the course of their everyday lives see so much crazy (bleep) they've become unphasable. they've long been accustom to the fact that the average russian car can easily be torn apart by your average russian woman. i want bumper. [ laughter ] put cheese on, eat. mmmmm. i mean this typical roadside scene two drivers confront each other with a baseball bat and yes, that is a hatchet. [ laughter ]
11:11 pm
russia is like a live action grand theft auto. [ laughter ] if there's a surprising part of the video is that those gentlemen arrived at some sort of agreement not to bat and hatchet each other to death. apparently in russia it's common for your commute to involve a hatchet bat dispute, a fighter jet fly by or i don't know bang! [laughter] [cheers and applause] how unphased are russians? [laughter] >> jon: even the cows -- this is how unphased russians are, even their cows in a mass cow tipping just (bleep) get up and are like --
11:12 pm
[laughter] yes, folks america may be (bleep) but not as bad as this. ♪ snow ♪ ♪
11:13 pm
11:14 pm
11:15 pm
[cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back to the show. tea party. the tea party. say what you want about the tee party but they are willing to fight for the rights they hold most dear both on land and at sea. al madrigal has more. >> the tea party made a splash in the 2010 election and despite the debate author michael could coughlin thinks they've never been more relevant. >> we didn't make as big an
11:16 pm
impact in the 2012 election as we did in 2010 but on the local level they are doing good work and are relevant. >> good work. >> there's nothing that lose the federal government to get into state right issue like riding the manatee. >> i'm confuse the what does that have to do with the tea party? >> that stands for liberty and freeing and do what we want to do without harming anyone else. you should be able to ride a manatee. >> the florida tea party put their patriots on double red alert after seeing this. >> anya gloria garcia gutierrez was arrested after being photographed riding a manatee. >> the tea party decided to defend the most fundamental of our freedoms, manatee riding. >> our goals are to save manatees and go to work wherever
11:17 pm
they are threatened by boats or by cold or just people not understanding how important it is to save them. >> but the tea party knows the slippery slope to tyranny begins on a manatee's back. >> we're losing our freedoms piece by piece. the biggest problem is that the piece you lose is not of interest to me so i don't do anything about it. >> first they came for the manatee riders. >> yes. >> and i was silent because i did not ride a manatee. >> absolutely. >> today we can't ride a manatee, tomorrow we won't be able to open a business. >> just want to saveman tease. >> but the purpose of the endangers species act isn't to protect species it's to deny people private property. >> no, we don't want to do that either. >> if the animals rights people get their way, they are talking about shutting down whole communities, ripping them out of ground, taking out highways. the united nations is going to turn the civilized world, the western world into a third world nation.
11:18 pm
no. >> despite the naysayers they see the right to libel ber at this. >> why should america suffer to please this nonthinking -- nonsense call, slow thinking minority. >> beaf they are power. they are in the political system, educational system and it's really destructive. >> are we talking about the manatee people or the tea party? >> the tea party -- >> i'm talking about manatee people. >> all right. that makes sense. >> in the end the tea party simply yearns for a more traditional america. >> people use used to ride manatees all the time. they are a lot of fun. >> you know what else is fun, the monkey that rides the dog at rodeos. they can say monkey, you can't
11:19 pm
ride that dog. >> or you can't make that monkey ride that dog. >> you think they are make the monkey ride the dog? i thought the monkey wanted to ride the dog. >> we have to understand that federal government could interfere with the ability to have monkeys trained to ride dogs. >> if this is what you are trying to stop, i'm in. >> surely the tea party patriots know what is really important. like paul revere before me, i would ride to warn america no matter how long it takes. it was time to exercise my constitutional rights as an american. >> ride theman tease. >> first i had to endure the jack booted echo prop and good yanch you can reach out and touch them with an open hand be very gentle. >> sort of like strip club rules. give them extra money and you get to go in the back. i know the drill. my moment had arrived. as i looked upon the majestic beasts, one question came to
11:20 pm
mind: why would anyone want to ride a manatee? why not hose down a couch and ride that? if that is what it takes to keep the u.n. from seizing everyone's private property then 
11:21 pm
11:22 pm
11:23 pm
11:24 pm
[cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight an actress stars on both "mad men" and nbc's "community." >> sad news they closed the ski slopes, a dozen scouts got buried in an avalanche. sad. i say we cut our losses and head home. >> why? we're here. we could hang out at the convention. i would have more fun hanging out with parents that are circling. >> why are people cheering at you. >> because they've never seen a man who had sex before. >> how many of those do you have in the chamber? >> enough for the whole ride home. >> what? >> he wanted it to we a surprise. you are a striking resemblance to the supervillage. >> now we're definitely leaving. >> jon: please welcome alison brie. hello.
11:25 pm
[cheers and applause] >> thank you. [cheers and applause] so lovely. >> jon: enjoy! >> lovely. >> jon: soak it in. >> eating it up. >> jon: soak it in. how are you? community is back now. >> it is back. [cheers and applause] been many rumors that -- took us a little while to get back. >> jon: you began filming in the late 90s when they moved some things around. >> yeah, yeah. the good news is i'm aging backwards. >> jon: that's great. it's a great show, it's really funny. >> thank you. >> jon: i know there's a lot of tension on the set sometimes with the personalities. and i apologize for john oliver. >> he can be tough. he was a tyrant. we didn't have him back in the fourth season. i said enough is enough. >> jon: you have to. >> they listened to me. >> jon: the thing, these people still believe in the
11:26 pm
monarchy and that's why the british -- >> it's a problem. >> jon: once you take away the green card we have no leverage over them. it's tough. >> it's true. he came by my dressing room today. >> jon: so sorry. >> it was very uncomfortable. >> jon: it is. i pass him in the hallways and it gives me the chills. [laughter] >> i know. >> jon: it's a -- >> it's british. >> jon: you are also filming "madmen." you are doing films and you have a band. >> band. i like to do this. it's a venture for me. it's a cover band. we're called the girls. a lot of thought went into that title. >> jon: sure, sure. >> really thought that through. but yeah, we cover some songs. we don't play any instruments. we just sing. we take pop songs and rock songs and break them down. >> jon: is it a capella? >> no.
11:27 pm
we have a band. brother band like jones street station they are out of new york. a cool bluegrass band. >> jon: jones street station and they fly out to sing with girls. >> yes, with these specific girls. >> jon: you must be very nice girls. >> i mean. >> jon: what are the covers. what are the types of things we're talking about here musically? >> classic rock and also some country. we've done a little hal and oates, springsteen, dolly parton for good measure. >> jon: what is the springsteen. not that i'm a crazy fan but what do you? >> we do i'm on fire. >> jon: oh, god. >> it's a classic. >> jon: it's a classic springsteen song. if could you be just a musician, would you do that? >> no, no. my first love is acting. >> jon: o stop. >> no because we don't have the
11:28 pm
ability to write our own songs which i think is a flaw if you are trying to be a real band. >> jon: are you taken a stab? have you tried? >> never to be fair i think that the other girls could write music but i'm not inclined that way. my father is a great musician. he writes songs. i've been around it my whole life. >> jon: what does he play? >> guitar and manned lynn. terry charles band. >> jon: a murmur of recognition through the audience. i have their cds right here, i don't believe it. >> my sister when she watches will say i know that band. >> jon: it's my dad! did you play an instrument growing up. did they have you do music or want to you get away from that? >> i was always so interested in acting that my parents were like do that, do that. there was a brief period where i learned to play some songs on the ukulele.
11:29 pm
i'm not good at tuning it so it's a problem. >> jon: i always assumed it's not an instrument just something people do what they are trying to be funny. >> fair enough. fair enough. [laughter] >> jon: so this will is "community" is now. when is "madmen" back. >> yes it's back april -- >> jon: you are not allowed -- is that a secret. >> no, they announced the date but i forgot to look at it. >> jon: it's april -- >> april something. look it up. >> jon: your band's next performance is. >> we'll we'll be out here you